"It doesn't happen overnight, but you turn around and a month's gone by...you get a little bit stronger." -Sara Evans
Although the lyrics above aren't exactly about losing a friend, I found them appropriate. Yesterday marked the one month mark that I lost one of my good friends to a tragic car accident. I wasn't up to writing this blog yesterday, but I do feel that one is much deserved so here goes nothing. (I apologize in advance if theres rambling.)
I can't say, like in the song, that a month has gone by and I haven't cried for my friend. I miss him looking through old photographs, talking w/ friends, and especially when reminiscing with his family. He and I were closer when we were younger...I'll even admit to having the hugest crush on him during those days. He was the "bad boy" that every girl somewhat wants, yet never admits. His twin brother is actually more like myself, but when you're younger, who wants that? ;-)
I click on his facebook page from time to time, curious as to those who still write on it. I would, but it's just not as therapeutic for me as it is for others, idk why. I then clicked on the "See friendship" link underneath our names. It's not very much, no pictures to speak of (most of our pictures came before the time of facebook.) It recognizes that we became facebook friends in August of 2008 as well as several of the things we both "like." One of those being the lake not too far between both our houses. It's hard to imagine that he'll never ride with his family on my family's boat again; I'll never see him at another baseball game; he'll never come over to my house again to hit baseballs with my brother; etc. Is it possible that I'm still in some sort of denial after all this time? Or is it that I've received signs that everything's okay and that I have a strong enough faith at this point in my life to realize that he's much better off than I am right now?
We had such beautiful snow this week. My mind was constantly on him as I watched the snowflakes drift slowly to the ground. I wonder if God's angels can have snowball fights? Or what snow looks like from heaven looking down on Earth...I can only imagine.
My boyfriend has been making me watch a serious of television shows with him the past 2 weeks. I've been in and out of paying attention to them except for last night, while I was contemplating writing this blog, I heard a line that caught my attention:
"Endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?"
I really liked this line. My friendship with Will hasn't ended, it's not gone. Sure, I may only have the old memories at this time but someday I'll see his smiling face again and I'm sure it'll be like no time had passed between us. Until then, I pray that he's not making too much trouble in heaven, and continues to watch out for us down here...