Thursday, December 30, 2010

It's back.

It's back. The urge to go back to school for the next semester. I knew it'd come around eventually, but I honestly thought it'd have come back before now. Please don't get me wrong...I love my parents and I miss my brother something awful when I don't see him everyday, but I want to go back to school. I miss my dorm room...the one place I can go when I want to be alone (thankfully with no roommate). There just gets to a point when I feel like I'm not doing anything but taking up space. I want to be productive and feel useful. This week of having a couple of my friends visit was probably the cause of this. For most of break so far I've been content and never been happier being at home free of schoolwork and stresses. It's just that seeing my friends, bringing up old inside jokes and laughing at absolutely nothing has just made me miss them all the more. I still don't miss the schoolwork and the stress, but in a way I'm looking forward to this semester so I can get into my major and see what this communications thing is all about :) Okay fine...I'll admit it..I'm psyched! To make a long story short, I have 2 weeks left at home. Believe me I'll make the best of them...guess I just need to find something to do so that I feel productive..

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I'm sorry in advance if this turns out to be more of a rambling blog than one with any actual purpose/meaning. Today was a very tragic day in our small town. A really good friend of mine and my family's was killed in a tragic car accident. Because not all information has been released, I'll spare the details. He was only a sophomore in college, 19 years old. The two of us grew up together, our families were good friends, we always did stuff together growing up. I've got the picture to prove it :) I was awoken at 2:30 this morning by a friend and haven't slept since. My family spent all day over with their family at the home and it's just been a really long day.

I've promised myself to try very hard not to question God during this loss as well as to not ask the purpose of such a tragedy. I don't think I will ever truly know the reasons behind God's choices, but if it's one thing I know from experience, there's always a reason. What really tore me up is seeing an old family friend today while visiting with people in their home. I haven't seen this person in a very long time and miss her dearly. I immediately ran to hug her & she took my hands in hers and told me she wanted to tell me how special I was to her and that God had some big plans for my life because she could just see his presence with me. She said I just always held this calm presence about myself that could only come from God's peace.

This means more to me than she'll ever know, especially because it came from her. I definitely do not always have everything together all the time, but who does? I felt special that someone had seen that in me since I've always strived to have that. One things for sure, although I hold such a heavy heart for everyone who is just as torn up as I am, especially his immediate family, I've never felt so blessed. I have a loving family and a terrific brother without whom I really don't want to know where I'd be. I don't think I've ever hugged him so many times in a day before. I couldn't take my eyes off of him today, as if with my glance I could keep him safe forever. My prayers go out to the family of my dear old friend and for all others touched by his life. I pray that God gives us all a peace that passes all understanding