Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Having a Beautiful Heart

Tonight in FCA we talked about stress and the different ways we can deal with those types of situations in our lives. We all went around and shared things that have recently happened or that are occuring now that we could take time to pray for each problem/stress that seemed to be occuring in someone's life. I spoke up and shared my experience of how awful it is to have lost a friend so young in his life over Christmas break. There were other experiences such as mine mentioned as well as schoolwork. Another friend of mine spoke up and said she struggles with trying to hard to make people like her. I didn't think too much about it until I got back to my room and turned on my iTunes to hear "More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz.

To summarize the chorus it basically says that God loves you for who you are, who He made you to be. That you shouldn't stress about how the world sees you or what you look like to other people. Every time I hear that song I just can't understand why our world today is so caught up in what people think of them...always having to have the "latest" something to make us "feel happier." If it's not having the latest thing or wearing the latest thing, we always feel like we have to try to make someone like us and maybe even sacrifice who we are in order to reach that aspiration. That very thing that I don't understand is something I struggle with on a pretty big basis. It's not that I don't feel like I'm pretty or that I don't have a good group of friends. I have wonderful friends, family, and a boyfriend who makes me feel beautiful but sometimes I guess I just get caught up too much in wordly things.

I'm not too big on New Year's Resolutions, but I decided a while back that mine for this year was going to try to be to become more confident in who I am as a person and that when I look in the mirror every morning to see myself as God is seeing me, not as the world may see me.

1 Samuel 16:7 says, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Remembering Will..

"It doesn't happen overnight, but you turn around and a month's gone get a little bit stronger." -Sara Evans

Although the lyrics above aren't exactly about losing a friend, I found them appropriate. Yesterday marked the one month mark that I lost one of my good friends to a tragic car accident. I wasn't up to writing this blog yesterday, but I do feel that one is much deserved so here goes nothing. (I apologize in advance if theres rambling.)

I can't say, like in the song, that a month has gone by and I haven't cried for my friend. I miss him looking through old photographs, talking w/ friends, and especially when reminiscing with his family. He and I were closer when we were younger...I'll even admit to having the hugest crush on him during those days. He was the "bad boy" that every girl somewhat wants, yet never admits. His twin brother is actually more like myself, but when you're younger, who wants that? ;-)

I click on his facebook page from time to time, curious as to those who still write on it. I would, but it's just not as therapeutic for me as it is for others, idk why. I then clicked on the "See friendship" link underneath our names. It's not very much, no pictures to speak of (most of our pictures came before the time of facebook.) It recognizes that we became facebook friends in August of 2008 as well as several of the things we both "like." One of those being the lake not too far between both our houses. It's hard to imagine that he'll never ride with his family on my family's boat again; I'll never see him at another baseball game; he'll never come over to my house again to hit baseballs with my brother; etc. Is it possible that I'm still in some sort of denial after all this time? Or is it that I've received signs that everything's okay and that I have a strong enough faith at this point in my life to realize that he's much better off than I am right now?

We had such beautiful snow this week. My mind was constantly on him as I watched the snowflakes drift slowly to the ground. I wonder if God's angels can have snowball fights? Or what snow looks like from heaven looking down on Earth...I can only imagine.

My boyfriend has been making me watch a serious of television shows with him the past 2 weeks. I've been in and out of paying attention to them except for last night, while I was contemplating writing this blog, I heard a line that caught my attention:

"Endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?"

I really liked this line. My friendship with Will hasn't ended, it's not gone. Sure, I may only have the old memories at this time but someday I'll see his smiling face again and I'm sure it'll be like no time had passed between us. Until then, I pray that he's not making too much trouble in heaven, and continues to watch out for us down here...

Monday, January 10, 2011

Thoughts to Smile About

This week has been full of moments that made me smile. They're not listed in any certain order, just as they come to my mind.

-- Quietly listening from my upstairs bedroom as my brother came home from school...the first thing he asked dad was where I was :) I love him so much!

-- Reminiscing old memories of a recently lost friend with his family and friends over dinner..

-- Waking up to snow outside my window

-- The running hug I received from one of my best friends when she moved back into school.

-- Picking on my boyfriend for slipping and falling, then 2 seconds later, falling down myself.

-- The long hugs I received from my family before I went back to school

-- The "I love you sister" I received from my brother yesterday

-- "Sledding" down the hills of snow at school on large rubbermaid tops

-- The text from my brother at 2 am asking me if I was awake & to look out my window at the blizzard of snow we were getting.

-- A long text message conversation with my best friend when I was upset about a few things.

-- My parents surprising me by coming out to dinner with my friends and I my first night back at school.

-- A comforting hug from my boyfriend when stress got the best of me.

These are just a few of the many things I've been thankful for this past week. This semester is looking up already. I miss my family and miss the days I used to play in snow like this with them, but I've enjoyed being with my friends as well. Happy Snow everyone!

Monday, January 3, 2011


A great conversation that I had tonight when I thought my night had ended well, but then the other conversation when it was slightly shaken has helped remind me just how lucky I am..

I remember the first week of classes at good old WU. I didn't really know anyone yet, except for a small number of the girls on my hall at the time. I was lucky enough to have a class or 2 with some of these girls until one class I was unfortunate to walk across the seemingly large campus alone to my next class. I walk in (decently early, but still..) to a room of 70+ individuals who of course stare the freshman walking in the side door. It was very overwhelming so to avoid further awkwardness I sat down on the front row to a girl I recognized but didn't actually know. (I guess when you actually recognized people from around campus it was a good sign).

I sit down and she introduces herself, as do I and we find out we live across the hall from eachother in our dorm. Relieved, I make conversation for a few minutes before class starts. Afterwards, she and I walk back to the dorm together which involves more conversation. We agree that it would be wise if we studied together and then compare class schedules since our majors were the same. Honestly, for a while I knew we were friends, but I never thought she and I connected the way she seemed to with other girls. I was slightly discouraged, but just to have one friend seemed good to me at the time so we continued our friendship.

After first semester, just as I felt us getting closer she transferred. Surprisingly we still kept in touch via skype and texting and such. The following semester, I myself transfered because I just wasn't happy AT ALL. I never thought that she and I would see each other several times throughout the year and keep up w/ a "turn" schedule of who would make the trip to see who next. No matter the distance, we've managed to keep in touch via texting, skype, telephone, and personal visits. We've always remembered birthdays & even "anniversaries." I don't think she'll know how greatful I am to have her always be there for the "big" stuff that I need her for. <3 you ninja!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Potter's Hands

Something I've always wanted to try is pottery. I find the process fascinating. The ability to mold the clay just as you want it in order to create something that's all your own. Maybe one of these days I'll actually get around to doing that or taking a class or something.

I almost didn't make it to church this morning. I will admit to staying up pretty late last night and had an awful headache and just didn't feel like myself, but I climbed out of bed anyways in hopes that a shower would help me feel better. Boy am I glad I didn't stay home. God really spoke to me this morning. It was like a slap in the face to myself as well as some of the other young people at my table this morning when a video was played during the service about what life would be like if we treated our Bibles like our cell phones- constantly carrying them around with us, checking them for new messages, etc. I'll admit to carrying my Bible with me a good bit (especially since I have it downloaded on my phone as well as my new kindle) but I know I should/could do better. Anyways, I'm rambling. We talked about trying to transform ourselves in this new year, but that it was a slow process, could be painful, and is most definitely not in our power.

The final song say today was The Potters really stuck with me so I looked up the process of pottery. The first thing you do is prepare the clay. God formed us and knew us before we were even born, he prepared the way for us to be here. The next step is placing the clay on the wheel and press the pedal at your own speed. God is constantly working on us, "molding" us closer to Him and what He would like for us to be. It's all in his time though, so it could be a slower process for some than for others, just like it's up to the potter how slow they want to create their work of art. As the clay spins around, the potter shapes it with his hands. Once it's complete, the process is still not done. There are little tools used to chip and shave the imperfections as the potter sees fit. I'd like to think that's what God does with us. Just when we think that we're where we should be, He "chips" off our little imperfections to make us even stronger and more like Him.