I'll be seeing you.

With each passing day, I seem to miss you more. It just doesn't seem fair to me..I'm having fun without you & I desperately wish that you were here having fun with everyone too. The whole gang is back together, but minus one. I know it's selfish of me to keep wishing you were here, when you're so much better off, and I'm constantly trying to work on that. I see your signs everywhere. Each day they seem to become more and more frequent. I love them, so please don't stop sending them my way. They help me to know that you're sending your love down for all of us to enjoy. I keep replaying some of our last conversations & I know you're laughing at me for all of the crazy things that I do. Until we meet again, I'll be seeing you...

Blah.

I feel like it's way past due for another post. Honestly, I don't know why I haven't written in so long..it's like I'm stuck in a "rut" and not really sure how to climb my way back out of it at this point. But here goes nothing...

My last summer before I'm thrown into the "real world" as they like to call it is more than half way over. I'd like to say I've accomplished a lot so far, but I can't really say that I have. To be honest, when I didn't get the first job I applied for this summer, my world was a little rocked. I put myself out there to get it, and when I didn't, I guess it kind of put me in a slump. I thought that I'd enjoy not doing much of anything this summer and simply to enjoy the last real summer I had, would be good enough...and for some instances it is. I've been able to enjoy spending time out on the lake with my family, having the option to spend time with my friends whenever, and even was able to spend the week of my 21st birthday with my aunt, which I wouldn't have traded for anything. I guess I just feel somewhat useless sometimes.

A good friend of mine recently moved into the house with me for the remainder of the summer which has been nice, but seeing her work every day doesn't make me feel any better about my situation. Lol I guess I should start trying to be more productive.

Maybe the real reason for this post is that my family has been gone for the majority of the summer. I've enjoyed my freedom of being home alone & coming & going as I please, but I do miss them a lot. Especially my little brother, who means the world to me. It's hard to believe that this time next year, he will have graduated from high school, and me from college. I haven't quite come to terms with either yet.

The good news is that I'm excited/anxious to begin my last year of college. I've got some amazing friends & I'm really going to try to put myself out there this year & enjoy every experience that is thrown my way. Hopefully that will lead to bigger & better things..until then...I'll keep writing more :)

Frustrated.

It's been an overall frustrating sort of day. I've felt like writing in this blog for quite some time yet, but haven't had much to say or didn't know where to start. Today has been full of my entire range of emotions-- happiness, anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment..okay, you get the picture. I've been in the process of taking down my stuff in my dorm room and every few days taking as much home in my car as I could. My walls are now bare, with the exception of my pictures- those are always the last to go. I can't live in a place where I have no pictures, that's unacceptable. I also found out that I'll be done a week from Friday with my junior year. Although it puts me one step closer to graduation (which I'm totally not ready for by the way), I deserve a break. A long break. One free of school work and the stress of having to get things done on a timeline. I need time to be with friends, family, and finally some time with my boyfriend whom I never get to see anymore. I miss my brother & I'll be so happy to see him every day. I'm also frustrated because I feel like I'm the only person who enjoys making plans and sticking to them. I look around and even things that don't even concern me frustrate me..people make deadlines they don't ever intend to keep, don't show up to class because they neglected to do something for that day, or just simple things such as saying they'll do something then they don't. I had to get away for a while, so I went home. It was peaceful. I just sat down on the couch & did absolutely nothing...and didn't feel bad about it because I really did just need that time. MY time. I'm hoping to find something to do once I get out of school next weekend..maybe see the best friend, take a weekend trip somewhere? I'm not sure...I need to figure out what to do. Hmmm...yeah..so I'm sorry if this turned into more of a rambling, but sometimes it's necessary. Here's to the rest of this short week and a lovely weekend at home for Easter with my family :)

Brother

I wrote this a little before spring break just because it was close to my heart as he usually is, but I decided to enter it in for the college literary magazine that I was featured in twice last year. Unfortunately it didn't make the cut this year, so I thought I should at least share it with my followers on here. It doesn't make it any less special to me :) Enjoy..

Brother

We used to fight most ever day,

Almost to a tee;

"Those toys are mine, don't touch my stuff,

Why are you always following me?"

When I think back now, it makes me sad

How much time I fought with you.

Now I can't imagine a boy who could

Be my brother, quite like you can do.

I may not tell you quite enough,

How much you mean to me.

I love it when you call me "sister,"

I hope than you can see.

Thank you for being who you are,

And doing what you do;

No one else can ever take

That place in my heart for you. <3

Well, anyone who knows me will understand the reference to calling me "sister" and why the title of the poem is simply "Brother." It may not have been picked simply because it wasn't very clear, but then again...like most ways I express myself whether through here or other social media, I just simply do it for myself :)

Amongst the Rubble

These past few weeks of school have been very stressful. I've had numerous things come up without warning, and simply cannot be in one million places at once. It's been really hard for me to keep everything balanced and this week especially I've had several breakdowns because of this. I was actually on my way home this afternoon to grab a few things and then to meet a family member, when I flipped from my current CD to 89.7 WMHK just because for some reason I felt led to. After the current song had finished playing, the talk show hosts at the time began talking. The woman speaking told a story of her and her son in which they'd recently been walking by an old downtown park which was under reconstruction. "Looking out over the park amongst the rubble, I could barely recognize the park." This made her sad because she had experienced many memories with her children there. They were breaking down the park to build a newer, nicer one. She then went on to say that that experience is a lot like life...God breaks us down to nothing but rubble sometimes; our lives feel like they're crashing down around us, but what we don't see is what God is doing amongst the rubble to break us down & make us brand new. I immediately felt tears running down my face. I then knew why I needed to hear that. No matter how stressed and run down my schedule/life may seem at this point, what I don't see are the workings that are taking place underneath it all. I look forward to the mystery that will soon be revealed.

Blessed

I just recently watched a video my pastor posted on facebook of our youth group & how they recently travled out of state to perform at a youth conference to hundreds of youth. After watching the video, I was reminded how blessed I am to belong to a church that is so welcoming & beneficial to every age group, the way I feel it should be. I first began attending with a friend in middle school & have been there ver since. My family are now members as well as several family friends of ours. It's amazing how well the children who go to church here are brought up in the bible, encouraged as youth & grow up to be wonderful testimoies. I personally don't think I could have made it this far in my college years without this church. I look forward every sunday to waking up & traveling with my friends for the church service. It's honestly the best part of my week that I know will never change. I'm blessed to be able to stay in constant communication with my pastor through text messages, email, phone calls, or even personal visits when needed. He recently met with me to discuss a paper I'm writing for a religion calss. I was so stressed about the paper, life in general at this point in the semester when I showed up, but when I left, I just felt so relieved. Just talking through my paper, and also about various life events helped me to calm down and realize everything will be okay. I've never felt so at home as I do in that church.

Have a Blessed Day!

Sorry if this turns into more of a boring story of my life, but I really just want to express what a wonderful day I've had today!

I started off exhausted although I got a good nights sleep. Before my first class, I received a phone call for an interview I was trying to set up for an article for the local paper here. She wanted to meet up today, during my already crazy Wednesday, but I agreed. I got yelled at by my professor who I told in advance I'd be late to his class because of said interview, but look...there's not much I can do. When a story presents itself, it's my journalistic nature to grab it. And I will always be thankful I did.

The woman I met with was the mother of a 15 year old boy with cerebral palsy who has been helping out our college football team. I got to meet her, as well as her son. To just see his face light up when someone talked to him will forever stay with me. He was just so full of life. Instead of letting his disability hold him back, he embraced it saying CP stands for Collossal Personality, not Cerebral Palsy.

I also had a wonderful conversation with my pastor this afternoon that will greatly help me with my upcoming religion paper. It was great to get his point of view and relate it back to what I've learned in my class so far. It's just been a great day so far and I just feel so blessed this afternoon. I hope that you all have a blessed day as well!! God Bless!